Before they were married, Meaghan Mulholland’s husband-to-be told her that he had more fun with her than anyone else. Eighteen years and two kids later, the couple has weathered a wide variety of storms, from miscarriages to job search stress. Through it all, they managed to maintain a sense of humor about life and keep the joy in their relationship alive. Long COVID is the biggest challenge they’ve encountered in their years together, and the strain is palpable.

It’s been more than a year since Meaghan contracted COVID-19. Like many others, she had a mild case, but today she still suffers from near-daily headaches, heart palpitations, joint pain, and crushing fatigue. “I don’t feel very fun these days,” she wrote in a recent article. “I feel the furthest thing from it; in fact, I feel like a burden.”

The End of Fun and The Weight of Long COVID

The exhaustion, Meaghan says, is like nothing she’s ever experienced. She finds it overpowering her “with the strength and suddenness of a magic spell,” so that she needs to lie down immediately, falling asleep for hours at a time. She realizes how fortunate she is to have a partner to support her and to be able to rest when she has to and focus on self-care, unlike millions of other sufferers across the globe. Still, for someone who previously hiked, danced, and worked out daily, the loss of her vitality, income, and time spent just living her life and enjoying her family is a crushing blow.

The impact that a long-term illness or serious injury can have on one’s life is something most people don’t like to think about until it happens to them, she points out, including spouses and partners who are often forced into early caregiving roles and feel unprepared and overwhelmed.

Feeling Like a Ghost in Her Own House

Meaghan’s husband, Andrew, has had to pick up the slack, working full time, driving the kids to activities and appointments, cooking, and seeing to household chores and maintenance. 

“He’s got no choice but to be Super Dad,” said Meaghan. “Meanwhile, I feel sometimes like a ghost in the house–shut away in a shadowy room, listening as life goes on without me.” Before COVID, she was active and dependable, but now, missing the kids’ soccer games, social gatherings with friends and colleagues, and even work deadlines has become common.

“One of the worst effects of this strange illness,” she shared, “has been the way it separates my husband and me not only from our peers but also from each other. While I’m resting, he must keep chaos at bay, taking full responsibility for the kids and the house; when I’m awake, eager to be brought up to speed, I expect updates and explanations he’s often too exhausted to give.” They bicker. Resentment, frustration, and grief build on both sides. 

They both know that this is toxic, however, so they consciously seek ways to diffuse tension and reconnect. Now that their kids have returned to school, Meaghan and her husband have more time and privacy to talk, have occasional lunch dates, and take leisurely walks. It’s not like old times, however. The children still worry, sneaking into the bedroom when Meaghan is resting, and clinging to her. Meaghan and Andrew try to reassure them that Meaghan is improving, that life will feel more normal soon. But they both know they can’t guarantee that.

Finding Something to Hold On To

Over the past year, Meaghan has tried multiple remedies, read scientific studies, combed through message boards and virtual support groups, seeking information that might help return her to some semblance of her old self. The director of the University of North Carolina’s COVID Recovery Clinic has reminded her to follow the four “p’s” to conserve energy: prioritizing, planning, positioning, and pacing. 

Despite being told that there’s no reason long-haulers shouldn’t completely recover, there are times when Meaghan wonders if her health will keep declining; if irreversible damage has been done; if she’ll be permanently disabled; if she might die long before she’d expected. She knows that most of her questions have no ready answers.

After struggling for more than a year, however, Meaghan says she’s starting to learn to live with uncertainty. Each day is a quest for balance, an opportunity to express gratitude and glean wisdom. “As most parents learn, seemingly unbearable moments in life are almost always bearable,” she said. 

“All are blinks, really, in the span of a life…likewise these years with our children, who are still young enough to climb into bed with us each morning, who still let us hold their hands and sing them to sleep. None of it is meant to last. Pausing sometimes to realize how good things are while they’re good, savoring those moments–that’s perhaps the best any of us can do.”

*Mulholland, M. (2021, Oct. 3). I’ve Been Dealing With Long COVID For 400+ Days. Here’s How It’s Affected My Marriage. The Huffington Post. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/long-haul-covid-19-marriage_n_6155d637e4b0487c855be92f 

Much about the novel coronavirus, i.e., COVID-19, is still not fully understood. As research progresses and our knowledge of the virus increases, information can change rapidly. We strive to update all of our articles as quickly as possible, but there may occasionally be some lag between scientific developments and our revisions.